Thursday, December 11, 2003
I think you really were inspiring for a while, the change was happening and you were having some really good moments. Of course there are negative feelings and that is what we are here for, to look at them.
You might want to do some posting on the weight forum. It is at www.wendi.com/thinforum I think you have been there. It is open to the public. Everyone needs help and encouragement. I know you can do that and inspire others with your journey.
Hugs!
Wendi
You might want to do some posting on the weight forum. It is at www.wendi.com/thinforum I think you have been there. It is open to the public. Everyone needs help and encouragement. I know you can do that and inspire others with your journey.
Hugs!
Wendi
Yes ma'am, I apologize. I just feel so phony. I'm not really changing and if so it's at a snails pace. I was shocked when you asked me to do this. I'm sorry I let you down. When I said "bless their hearts" I meant gosh, who would read this boring stuff about a fat person who won't change. I was also trying to express that I am probably not the best candidate - long term - business wise for you. Please forgive me. Self pity is a treacherous thing.
Candice Blake.
Candice Blake.
Wednesday, December 10, 2003
Hello Candy,
Yes people are reading this blog. I took the link off the web site, because I really dont want people coming here and seeing some of these comments. This part bothers me
So what's the deal Wendi? Do you really want people reading this crap? Is anyone really reading it anyway? Bless their pea pickin' little hearts if they are.
I offered this blog to people so they could connect with you, and understand the transformation and the journey through your eyes. It doesnt mean that you have to be positive all the time, but it would be helpful to them if they didnt get to connect with you deciding that you are a loser! I have removed the link to the blog and I will take it off the public viewing.
I really want to help you, and let others be inspired by what you are experiencing. You will need to get back on track. While you are working some of this out, I think it is best to not make others feel that they are "reading this crap" as you call it.
Wendi
Yes people are reading this blog. I took the link off the web site, because I really dont want people coming here and seeing some of these comments. This part bothers me
So what's the deal Wendi? Do you really want people reading this crap? Is anyone really reading it anyway? Bless their pea pickin' little hearts if they are.
I offered this blog to people so they could connect with you, and understand the transformation and the journey through your eyes. It doesnt mean that you have to be positive all the time, but it would be helpful to them if they didnt get to connect with you deciding that you are a loser! I have removed the link to the blog and I will take it off the public viewing.
I really want to help you, and let others be inspired by what you are experiencing. You will need to get back on track. While you are working some of this out, I think it is best to not make others feel that they are "reading this crap" as you call it.
Wendi
4. Hold a pencil in my teeth which forces a smile shaped mouth, which supposedly triggers the same endorphins that an honest smile does.
5. Move on. Apply at other companies too. SBC, although the best I've seen (they let you know upfront what to expect in all categories while others keep you guessing as to what the hell you are applying for in the way of distance, money, etc) is not the only game in town.
6. Lose weight, feel great, look great, attract greatness.
Oh yeah, isn't that what we are supposed to be tracking here? I lost focus when the job competition process started. I excercised and walked daily for the first 2 1/2 weeks of November. Then my lowback started burning while I walked - even when I put an ice pack down my pants like my boss suggested. And my left elbow had a re-occurence of the tennis-elbow I had once from rolling up and down a hard to do car window. So I "cut-back" on walking until I cut it out. I could have just quit the curls until my elbow heals - instead, I also cut back until the wonderful 20 minute workout disappeared.
So what's the deal Wendi? Do you really want people reading this crap? Is anyone really reading it anyway? Bless their pea pickin' little hearts if they are. How does one stay started? Am I a hard case because I have so much to lose? Do I need to save up for a personal hypno regime here in Dallas? ($500 for 4 sessions) Am I just a loser? (in every way but weight?)
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Candy
5. Move on. Apply at other companies too. SBC, although the best I've seen (they let you know upfront what to expect in all categories while others keep you guessing as to what the hell you are applying for in the way of distance, money, etc) is not the only game in town.
6. Lose weight, feel great, look great, attract greatness.
Oh yeah, isn't that what we are supposed to be tracking here? I lost focus when the job competition process started. I excercised and walked daily for the first 2 1/2 weeks of November. Then my lowback started burning while I walked - even when I put an ice pack down my pants like my boss suggested. And my left elbow had a re-occurence of the tennis-elbow I had once from rolling up and down a hard to do car window. So I "cut-back" on walking until I cut it out. I could have just quit the curls until my elbow heals - instead, I also cut back until the wonderful 20 minute workout disappeared.
So what's the deal Wendi? Do you really want people reading this crap? Is anyone really reading it anyway? Bless their pea pickin' little hearts if they are. How does one stay started? Am I a hard case because I have so much to lose? Do I need to save up for a personal hypno regime here in Dallas? ($500 for 4 sessions) Am I just a loser? (in every way but weight?)
Tomorrow will be a better day.
Candy
Tuesday, December 09, 2003
It's five o'clock and instead of crying I have written a thank you note to the Human Resource Rep who is the gate keeper between the managers and applicants. I expressed my desire to compete for future positions including the one that uses Excel to calculate commissions for sales reps. So there!
Candice Blake, fearless warrior
Candice Blake, fearless warrior
Well, Boo, damn hissssssssssss........
I hate it when I get my hopes up in front of all my friends.
Got the call.......
"Unfortunately, there were many more applicants than there are positions... your name will stay in the hat and blah budee blah, blah, blah"
I don't even think I'll have a good cry. Who am I kidding? I can't wait to get out of here so I can ball my eyes out. (2 stinkin' hours from now)
It was a darn good try. She did ask how well I knew Excel, I answered "very well" she went on to intimidate me with a million questions about it and I think I messed up.
I'll come up with 3 MORE things to get that new tutu tomorrow, Wendi, see below.
Candy
I hate it when I get my hopes up in front of all my friends.
Got the call.......
"Unfortunately, there were many more applicants than there are positions... your name will stay in the hat and blah budee blah, blah, blah"
I don't even think I'll have a good cry. Who am I kidding? I can't wait to get out of here so I can ball my eyes out. (2 stinkin' hours from now)
It was a darn good try. She did ask how well I knew Excel, I answered "very well" she went on to intimidate me with a million questions about it and I think I messed up.
I'll come up with 3 MORE things to get that new tutu tomorrow, Wendi, see below.
Candy
Oops, uh ok.
1. Put make up on. (my daughter loved how I looked when I came home from the interview)(I'll feel better)
2. Do a good job today even before 3:00 when boss and patient's arrive. (one who is faithful w/ the crappy job can be trusted with a better job)
3. Pray without ceasing: "I deserve better, I deserve better, I deserve better, Lord God Almighty, I DESERVE BETTER!
Yippee, thank you for the new journal on the way!!!
Candy
1. Put make up on. (my daughter loved how I looked when I came home from the interview)(I'll feel better)
2. Do a good job today even before 3:00 when boss and patient's arrive. (one who is faithful w/ the crappy job can be trusted with a better job)
3. Pray without ceasing: "I deserve better, I deserve better, I deserve better, Lord God Almighty, I DESERVE BETTER!
Yippee, thank you for the new journal on the way!!!
Candy
You forgot to tell me... (more homework, I know)
Now- tell me what 3 things you are going to do today to get the results you want- better job, new tu tu, laughter...
I made a new journal that goes with the program. I will send you and Connie one today.
Wendi
Now- tell me what 3 things you are going to do today to get the results you want- better job, new tu tu, laughter...
I made a new journal that goes with the program. I will send you and Connie one today.
Wendi
Saturday, December 06, 2003
Woo Hoo! I Do Deserve Better!
And it might start in January! I had my interview yesterday. I believe I made a good impression. The only down shot I can think of is there are several competitors. Also, at the end as two managers wrote down my answers to their questions I flubbed up over the "What are your goals and aspirations?" question. Thinking it had to be business related, I said to do something meaningful. How vague is that? Hind sight? I could have said, well, a million things.
Wendi, what I am fixin' to tell you was a giant sign to me, tell me if I'm over stating it. As the manager walked me back to the guard desk and said you'll need to turn in your visitor's badge, I answered he didn't give me one. "Oh he didn't? Who was that?" "Mr. Taylor" (for some reason I memorized from his badge) There was a look in her eye that I read as her being impressed with remembering his name. Then she, the guard and I stood at the door talking for 5 minutes (no exageration)- small talk - but it gave me the impression that maybe I'm "in". We'll see.
They will call next week. I asked if there were other openings in case I was not selected for this position, both managers lighted up and said - Oh Yeah- so it's just a matter of time! Speaking of time. I had to work today and my check will be the same as always.
"WHEN" I start at SBC and we have overtime from time to time, it'll be for 21 bucks an hour!
I deserve to work at SBC! Part of the interview includes a "job visit" the lady I sat with has been there 28 years and was a quiet, rather timid old soul. She really gave me the confidence that I CAN DO THIS!
Love to you too, my precious new friend - Candy
And it might start in January! I had my interview yesterday. I believe I made a good impression. The only down shot I can think of is there are several competitors. Also, at the end as two managers wrote down my answers to their questions I flubbed up over the "What are your goals and aspirations?" question. Thinking it had to be business related, I said to do something meaningful. How vague is that? Hind sight? I could have said, well, a million things.
Wendi, what I am fixin' to tell you was a giant sign to me, tell me if I'm over stating it. As the manager walked me back to the guard desk and said you'll need to turn in your visitor's badge, I answered he didn't give me one. "Oh he didn't? Who was that?" "Mr. Taylor" (for some reason I memorized from his badge) There was a look in her eye that I read as her being impressed with remembering his name. Then she, the guard and I stood at the door talking for 5 minutes (no exageration)- small talk - but it gave me the impression that maybe I'm "in". We'll see.
They will call next week. I asked if there were other openings in case I was not selected for this position, both managers lighted up and said - Oh Yeah- so it's just a matter of time! Speaking of time. I had to work today and my check will be the same as always.
"WHEN" I start at SBC and we have overtime from time to time, it'll be for 21 bucks an hour!
I deserve to work at SBC! Part of the interview includes a "job visit" the lady I sat with has been there 28 years and was a quiet, rather timid old soul. She really gave me the confidence that I CAN DO THIS!
Love to you too, my precious new friend - Candy
Candy- You need a new job.
Any employer who would make you freeze until the patients arrive is just cruel.
Yes, you do want something better for yourself! Start by saying (in a quiet little sheepish voice) "i deserve better" and then take a a deep breath and as you exhale say (just a teeny weeny bit louder this time) "I deserve better" and one more really big breath...
awe, what the heck...
stand up and throw your shoulders back for this one...
"I DESERVE BETTER"
no matter how uncomfortable it is to say that, just saying it makes it a possibility.
Now go back and read your post about your future self and all the things you are manifesting in your life.
Now- stand on a chair, open your mouth, and shout- "I deserve better than this!!"
and finally, jump up and down three times (after you are off the chair), twirl around with your arms outstretched like a beautiful ballerina, say the official chant "ugu buggu boom boom" and be prepared to create a better life. Be careful with that chant, use it sparingly. It is very powerful and tends to bring almost immediate results.
Now- tell me what 3 things you are going to do today to get the results you want- better job, new tu tu, laughter...
Love to you dear!
Wendi
Any employer who would make you freeze until the patients arrive is just cruel.
Yes, you do want something better for yourself! Start by saying (in a quiet little sheepish voice) "i deserve better" and then take a a deep breath and as you exhale say (just a teeny weeny bit louder this time) "I deserve better" and one more really big breath...
awe, what the heck...
stand up and throw your shoulders back for this one...
"I DESERVE BETTER"
no matter how uncomfortable it is to say that, just saying it makes it a possibility.
Now go back and read your post about your future self and all the things you are manifesting in your life.
Now- stand on a chair, open your mouth, and shout- "I deserve better than this!!"
and finally, jump up and down three times (after you are off the chair), twirl around with your arms outstretched like a beautiful ballerina, say the official chant "ugu buggu boom boom" and be prepared to create a better life. Be careful with that chant, use it sparingly. It is very powerful and tends to bring almost immediate results.
Now- tell me what 3 things you are going to do today to get the results you want- better job, new tu tu, laughter...
Love to you dear!
Wendi
Tuesday, December 02, 2003
Hi Candy and Wendi!!
Yes, I'm still here, I haven't gone AWOL. We had a really busy weekend and my kids have been sick, it has been even more crazy than normal in our house!!
Lately I've had terrible headaches and I'm sick at my stomach way too much. I think it is all related to stress!
I didn't listen to the cds for quite a while and I was having these symtoms. Then I decided to listen to the Stress Release CD just for kicks to see what happened and my headache went away after having it for 3 days straight. Stress is a horrible thing. After being at home for 5 days and staying busy with the house I was headache free. I went back to work today and now I have a MAJOR headache once again!!
No I haven't been writing in my journal. I AM going to find time to do it though and it IS going to be EASY!!
Maybe I'll start believing it if I say it over and over.
I think my subconscience has been deliberately avoiding the journal either because I'm just lazy and don't want to think after my long days or because I really don't know what I want.
Candy it sounds like you did a wonderful job on the interview!! You are going to be happy with your job sometime very soon!!! It is great that you can type all your feelings out here. I really think that helps organize your thoughts alittle more. Don't you?
Weightwise I've stayed right around 200 pounds. I haven't gained any weight back that I've lost but I'm not progressing either, not that I'm trying. I really want to try the low carbs, I need to do some research so I know how to shop. I'm such a carb/sugar addict!!
I was talking to my sister on the phone the other day and she said she has some pictures when I was married to my ex husband. He was always complaining about how heavy I was. I worked my butt off to lose all kinds of weight for him. I was down to 135 and I looked really good. My current husband says even if I weighed 500 lbs he still would love me. So I don't work as hard. Isn't that terrible?
Also in our conversation I told her that it was hard to watch what you eat because I feel like I need to give the kids sweets every once in a while because I don't want to deprive them. She said "Really? I don't feel that way at all." So I must link sweets with rewards. I have got to break that link somehow.
I know I'm rambling I just have alot on my chest and I'm not sure how to sort it all out or to "reprogram" myself not to want food as a reward all the time. Hope that makes sense.
Candy, I loved your journal entries and it is awesome you have goals. I really need to get mine done!!!
Well I need to get going.
TTFN!!!
Connie
Yes, I'm still here, I haven't gone AWOL. We had a really busy weekend and my kids have been sick, it has been even more crazy than normal in our house!!
Lately I've had terrible headaches and I'm sick at my stomach way too much. I think it is all related to stress!
I didn't listen to the cds for quite a while and I was having these symtoms. Then I decided to listen to the Stress Release CD just for kicks to see what happened and my headache went away after having it for 3 days straight. Stress is a horrible thing. After being at home for 5 days and staying busy with the house I was headache free. I went back to work today and now I have a MAJOR headache once again!!
No I haven't been writing in my journal. I AM going to find time to do it though and it IS going to be EASY!!
Maybe I'll start believing it if I say it over and over.
I think my subconscience has been deliberately avoiding the journal either because I'm just lazy and don't want to think after my long days or because I really don't know what I want.
Candy it sounds like you did a wonderful job on the interview!! You are going to be happy with your job sometime very soon!!! It is great that you can type all your feelings out here. I really think that helps organize your thoughts alittle more. Don't you?
Weightwise I've stayed right around 200 pounds. I haven't gained any weight back that I've lost but I'm not progressing either, not that I'm trying. I really want to try the low carbs, I need to do some research so I know how to shop. I'm such a carb/sugar addict!!
I was talking to my sister on the phone the other day and she said she has some pictures when I was married to my ex husband. He was always complaining about how heavy I was. I worked my butt off to lose all kinds of weight for him. I was down to 135 and I looked really good. My current husband says even if I weighed 500 lbs he still would love me. So I don't work as hard. Isn't that terrible?
Also in our conversation I told her that it was hard to watch what you eat because I feel like I need to give the kids sweets every once in a while because I don't want to deprive them. She said "Really? I don't feel that way at all." So I must link sweets with rewards. I have got to break that link somehow.
I know I'm rambling I just have alot on my chest and I'm not sure how to sort it all out or to "reprogram" myself not to want food as a reward all the time. Hope that makes sense.
Candy, I loved your journal entries and it is awesome you have goals. I really need to get mine done!!!
Well I need to get going.
TTFN!!!
Connie
Dear Wendi,
Yes, I would hire myself. I know my heart. No, I don't want to be the kind of person who makes mistakes. I believe it is a spirit of rebellion or revenge or something along those lines that causes my my laissez-faire demeanor at this particular job. Since for whatever reason (don't sass your elders?) I won't open my mouth and say: DOC! For crying out loud don't you realize there is nothing - nada - zilch - to look forward to in this job. Kind sir, it would serve you well to include morale boosting techniques in your employment regime for your trusty side-kick. There is more to "business" than business.
Let me quit here. I know full well that I should be holding my head up and holding myself to a higher standard - FOR MYSELF. Let's start with today. I know I'd feel proud and accomplished if I carry this off - just for one day. ( you've probably guessed that I'm not as bad as I make myself out to be)
One more gripe - I'm freezing right now but can not turn the heat on until the patients arrive this afternoon. This is just an example of working for Dr. Frugalmeister. I'll be plowing along, then stop to breathe warm breath into my hands and bitch about it a while to myself. This I know (bitching) just keeps the cycle going. Today - I'll praise God IN all things not FOR all things. God inhabits praise. Eee Gads - I've got to report an excellent performance tomorrow in accountability to the queen for this day. Connie, where ARE you?
Better and Better, Candy
Yes, I would hire myself. I know my heart. No, I don't want to be the kind of person who makes mistakes. I believe it is a spirit of rebellion or revenge or something along those lines that causes my my laissez-faire demeanor at this particular job. Since for whatever reason (don't sass your elders?) I won't open my mouth and say: DOC! For crying out loud don't you realize there is nothing - nada - zilch - to look forward to in this job. Kind sir, it would serve you well to include morale boosting techniques in your employment regime for your trusty side-kick. There is more to "business" than business.
Let me quit here. I know full well that I should be holding my head up and holding myself to a higher standard - FOR MYSELF. Let's start with today. I know I'd feel proud and accomplished if I carry this off - just for one day. ( you've probably guessed that I'm not as bad as I make myself out to be)
One more gripe - I'm freezing right now but can not turn the heat on until the patients arrive this afternoon. This is just an example of working for Dr. Frugalmeister. I'll be plowing along, then stop to breathe warm breath into my hands and bitch about it a while to myself. This I know (bitching) just keeps the cycle going. Today - I'll praise God IN all things not FOR all things. God inhabits praise. Eee Gads - I've got to report an excellent performance tomorrow in accountability to the queen for this day. Connie, where ARE you?
Better and Better, Candy
Sunday, November 30, 2003
Hey Candy-
Would you hire yourself?
Do you want to be the kind of person who makes mistakes?
What is stopping you from holding yourself to a higher standard?
Do you really want to improve because of someone else's needs, or because they are watching? or... do you want to find out how good it would feel to be excellent in your life because it is what you really want?
What would it feel like if you were proud of yourself for being excellent?
Wendi
Would you hire yourself?
Do you want to be the kind of person who makes mistakes?
What is stopping you from holding yourself to a higher standard?
Do you really want to improve because of someone else's needs, or because they are watching? or... do you want to find out how good it would feel to be excellent in your life because it is what you really want?
What would it feel like if you were proud of yourself for being excellent?
Wendi
Friday, November 28, 2003
Dear Wendi, (please scroll down for Wednesday's post first)
I'm sitting here on Thanksgiving Friday catching several mistakes I made last week on some confirmation letters that went out. In fact I'm thinking about how blasé I've always been about my mistakes here at the clinic. I've actually "thought" "Oh well, you get what you pay for, if he'd pay me better I'd be better." But, I know full well that this is backwards thinking and actually downright awful. Good performance must come BEFORE good rewards.
Anyway, who do I think I am. Wendi, I know you, you are going to pat me on the back and encourage me in your next post. But honestly, would you bring someone on your staff with the attitude described above and with a consistent record of making careless mistakes? Back to who do I think I am - applying for a job where accuracy is the top job description? Dang, they give the impression that you better not make a single mistake for rest of your career - ever. When the phone interviewer asked if I thought I could handle a work load with the high accuracy policy, I answered that I was at first nervous at the thought but I was sure with checks and balances of proofreaders that all would be well (paraphrased) With all the fire of a Marine drill seargent she shot back - NO - it must leave your desk CORRECT. "I'm sure I could handle that" I replied. (I wonder if Ms. Bobbi knows how to spot a liar?)
If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. If not, I'll sigh, relieved, knowing that eventually I'll get a job that is right for me. Come on Friday Dec 5th, let's get this over with.
Candy
I'm sitting here on Thanksgiving Friday catching several mistakes I made last week on some confirmation letters that went out. In fact I'm thinking about how blasé I've always been about my mistakes here at the clinic. I've actually "thought" "Oh well, you get what you pay for, if he'd pay me better I'd be better." But, I know full well that this is backwards thinking and actually downright awful. Good performance must come BEFORE good rewards.
Anyway, who do I think I am. Wendi, I know you, you are going to pat me on the back and encourage me in your next post. But honestly, would you bring someone on your staff with the attitude described above and with a consistent record of making careless mistakes? Back to who do I think I am - applying for a job where accuracy is the top job description? Dang, they give the impression that you better not make a single mistake for rest of your career - ever. When the phone interviewer asked if I thought I could handle a work load with the high accuracy policy, I answered that I was at first nervous at the thought but I was sure with checks and balances of proofreaders that all would be well (paraphrased) With all the fire of a Marine drill seargent she shot back - NO - it must leave your desk CORRECT. "I'm sure I could handle that" I replied. (I wonder if Ms. Bobbi knows how to spot a liar?)
If it's meant to be, it's meant to be. If not, I'll sigh, relieved, knowing that eventually I'll get a job that is right for me. Come on Friday Dec 5th, let's get this over with.
Candy
